The Randomness I Encounter

Dec. 1st, 2007

12:50 pm - Interesting...haha

72%LUSH

El Paso Dating

Nov. 22nd, 2007

11:58 pm - Disappointment?

I went to lunch with a guy friend of mine last week. As we were eating, I made a mess of my meal, and burped rather loudly. I told him I wasn't "ladylike", and he replied "I don't expect it of you." This launched us into a conversation about my "manners" and asperations in life. My mother, since I was young, has taught me everything a housewife needs to know. I helped with the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, everything. She also taught me to knit, crochet, and sew (which I do enjoy, but don't tell anyone). Ever since I was young she would always tell me to act "lady like". She has been priming me to be a wife my entire life. As you all know, I don't date. I haven't for over a year now. I don't have a boyfriend, and don't plan on having one anytime soon (sorry if that is devestating news). My brothers corrupted me by teaching me sports, making me watch the "guy films", and just having fun with the guys. Recently I have been getting rid of my "girlie" movies from high school that I haven't watched in years. Most of them I think "this is dumb and cliche". Then today I was asked for birthday and Christmas ideas for myself, and the first thing I thought was a tool box and a couple tools I could use...is that normal? I confessed the other night that I had never been to Bed Bath and Beyond, and a guy told me I didn't have to try to impress him. I wasn't, I was stating a fact. Is my mother disappointed that I don't have a marriage in sight, or even any prospects for that matter? and that I prefer a night of beer and football with the guys??

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

contemplative

Current Music: Def Leppard

Oct. 9th, 2007

08:42 pm - Moving on?

So I was looking at a friend's profile on facebook. She goes to a state school with THOUSANDS of people, but when I was looking at some pictures in her album, EVERYONE is from high school. Isn't college about finding yourself, meeting new people, and trying new things? That is what it has been for me. I talk to a couple people from Pendleton, but for the most part I spend my time with people I have met after graduation. What are you thinking?

Current Location: Duplex

Current Mood:

curious

Current Music: Rascal Flatts

Oct. 7th, 2007

05:55 pm - Not Sure

Another one of my classmates has passed away. We were in the same Kindergarten class and I knew him throughout elementary school. We weren't that close, but as he was a classmate, I am debating if I should go to his funeral this week.
It has also brought back some of the feelings I had when Rachel died this past April. So often I talk and act like we have all of the time in the world, but once again I am reminded that we don't.

Current Location: Duplex

Current Mood:

sad

Sep. 6th, 2007

09:48 am - Rock on!

An amazing rock song that is pretty mellow, is a recent obsession of mine.
Rock On
By: David Essex
Hey kid, rock and roll
Rock on, ooh, my soul
Hey kid, boogey too, did ya

Hey shout, summertime blues
Jump up and down in my blue suede shoes
Hey kid, rock and roll, rock on

And where do we go from here
Which is the way that's clear

Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake on the movie screen, Jimmy Dean
(James Dean)

[Instrumental Interlude]

And where do we go from here
Which is the way that's clear

Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake on the movie screen, Jimmy Dean
Jimmy Dean
Rock on
Rock on
Rock on

Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on

Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on

Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on

Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on........

Current Location: my room

Current Mood:

mellow

Current Music: David Essex

Aug. 26th, 2007

03:15 pm - New Song

So it isn't really a "new" song. It's rather old, but I like it a lot, and have become obsessed with it since I saw Def Leppard in concert, and heard this song live! (wasn't that some of the best grammar you have ever read? lol) It's definitely worth a download!
Love Bites
By Def Leppard
When you make love, do you look in the mirror?
Who do you think of?
Does he look like me?
Do you tell lies?
And say that its forever?
Do you think twice, or just touch n see?
Ooh babe
Ooh yeah
When youre alone, do you let go?
Are you wild n willin or is it just for show?
Ooh cmon
I dont wanna touch you too much baby
cos making love to you might drive me crazy
I know you think that love is the way you make it
So I dont wanna be there when you decide to break it
No!
(love bites, love bleeds)
Its bringin me to my knees
(love lives, love dies)
Its no surprise
(love begs, love pleads)
Its what I need
When Im with you are you somewhere else?
Am I gettin thru or do you please yourself?
When you wake up will you walk out?
It cant be love if you throw it about
Ooh babe
I dont wanna touch you too much baby
cos making love to you might drive me crazy
Ooh yeah
(love bites, love bleeds)
Its bringin me to my knees
(love lives, love dies)
(love bites, love bleeds)
Its bringin me to my knees
(love lives, love dies)
Its no surprise
(love begs, love pleads)
Its what I need
If youve got love in your sights
Watch out, love bites
Yes it does
It will be hell

Current Location: My Room

Current Mood:

thoughtful

Current Music: Def Leppard

Aug. 20th, 2007

11:40 pm - Missing You

I miss you. More than I could have imagined. I wish you would let me into your life. You have meant so much to me. Perhaps I am living in the past, and just need to let you go. But I can't seem to be able to...

Current Location: my new room

Current Mood:

contemplative

Aug. 13th, 2007

08:10 pm - Back Home

So Bryan Adams pretty much ROCKED my world. He was hott, amazing, talented, awesome, sexy, and everything in between! He was so good in concert, and I would definitely go see him again! I also got some pretty good pictures, so I will always remember it, **sigh**
I am back at good old DPU. It's wonderful. I am living with Kari and it's been fun so far. We have football everyday, but I'm so ready for the season to start!
It's my senior year, and I can't believe it is already here. Yesterday I was moving away to college, studying chemistry. haha now I'm about to graduate with my BS in kinesiology, then go on to nursing school. CRAZY!

Current Location: Duplex

Current Mood:

ecstatic

Current Music: Def Leppard

Jul. 28th, 2007

08:10 pm - Bryan Adams

So as many of you know, I have been pretty much obsessed with Bryan Adams, forever. I have been listening to his music and gettinig hyped for his concert in about 10 days, and I came across one of my favorites (I have many really) and thought I would share it, because they are some pretty sexy lyrics!
Let's Make a Night to Remember:
I love the way ya look tonight
With your hair hangin' down on your shoulders
N' I love the way ya dance your slow sweet tango
The way ya wanna do everything but talk
And how ya stare at me with those undress me eyes
Your breath on my body makes me warm inside

Let's make out - let's do something amazing
Let's do something that's all the way
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch
your body
Now I never want to let your body go...

Let's make a night - to remember
From January - to December
Let's make love - to excite us
A memory - to ignite us
Let's make honey baby - soft and tender
Let's make sugar darlin' - sweet surrender
Let's make a night - to remember - all life long

I love the way ya move tonight
Beads of sweat drippin' down your skin
Me lying here - n' you lyin' there
Our shadows on the wall and our hands everywhere

Let's make out - let's do something amazing
Let's do something that's all the way
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch
your body
Now I never want to let your body go...

Let's make a night - to remember
From January - to December
Let's make love - to excite us
A memory - to ignite us
Let's make honey baby - soft and tender
Let's make sugar darlin' - sweet surrender
Let's make a night - to remember - all life long

I think about ya all the time
Can't you see you drive me outta my mind
Well I'm never holdin' back again
Ya I never want this night to end
Cuz I've never touched somebody like the way I touch
your body
Now I never want to let your body go...

Current Location: home

Current Mood:

crazy

Current Music: Bryan Adams (DUH!)

Jun. 22nd, 2007

12:22 am - this is why i don't do it...

"between the two of us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a mento. but you, you had the love of a woman for 8 years. at the end of which, she ripped your heart out, and that's why we don't do it" -chandler in the pilot of friends.
two of my closest friends have been hurt deeply by the guys they were dating in the past week. notice i said "were dating". both of these relationships ended within 5 days of each other. i love them both dearly, and i rely heavily on them. i am so sorry for them, and i know how much it hurts and how much it sucks.
this is the reason i refuse to date. it isn't worth it. i've been burned, so i'm staying away. a lot of you have been asking about the mystery man in the last entry. i am so confused and not sure what to do, if anything, so i don't want to mention who it is...sorry.

Current Mood:

crushed

Jun. 13th, 2007

10:03 pm - Answer the first thing that comes to mind

Ever done the game where you say what you think, without thinking. like, do you like mexican or italian? backstreet boys or nsync? true or false all is fair in love and war...that type of thing. well i was at work having a conversation with my all-female co-workers. we were discussing loves, or lack thereof in my case, when my supervisor asked if i would marry "him" (the guy i brought up). without having to think, without a pause i replied yes. it shocked me. i had never thought about it, and never even considered it. as you know i am not dating, i am against dating and men in general (my brother is convinced i am a lesbian) after thinking about it, i realized that i truly do love him. i have never said that before...

Current Mood:

thoughtful

Current Music: Bryan Adams

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

May. 22nd, 2007

10:37 pm - Anyplace?

I was asked if I could go anywhere in the world where would I want to go. I want to go to Italy. I want to enjoy the beauty of Florence and Rome. But mostly I want to go to the Vatican. I want to go there more than anywhere else. To be able to go to Vatican City, go to St. Peter's Bascillica and to be in this amazing place. I would just be in awe of everything around me. I am hoping, if not before, to go in 2025, when the doors are opened by the Pope (as they do every 25 years).

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

optimistic

May. 16th, 2007

01:40 am - comments setting

Sorry to have to do this to some of you, especially you Richard, but I had to enable security that so only friends to my LJ can post comments. I had a random anonymous person leaving comments all of the time, and it's gotten past the point of creepy. Just thought I would give you a heads up.

Current Mood:

annoyed

May. 14th, 2007

10:14 pm

Several times before I have spoken of fate and of songs being played right when I need them. Tonight was no different. Right after I posted the last entry, I was listening to my music on random (mind you there are DAYS of music on my computer), and this song came on. Up until, well now, it made me cry as Rachel sang it at graduation. I feel it's a sign to not give up. I'm trying, trust me, I am.
The Prayer
by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban
I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che to dai
I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.
Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita
La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child
Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

Current Location: Lucy

Current Mood:

uplifted

Current Music: The Prayer

09:48 pm - Wishful Thinking

I thought I was stronger than I am. I tried, really, really hard, but I couldn't do it. I feel I have failed, but I can't handle it. It just hurts too much...

Current Location: Lucy

Current Mood:

crushed

Current Music: Randomness

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

May. 12th, 2007

08:13 pm - More about me

So I shared my favorite song since I was about 6 or so earlier. I was listening to music on random, when this song came on. I used to HATE this song. And I told my mom it was the worst love song ever, and I couldn't believe it was a #1 hit. My mom laughed at me, and told me to listen to the lyrics. She made me listen to the song quite a few times, and now I love it. I love it so much, that I took her to see him in concert, and it was AMAZING! many of you know that I am pretty much obsessed with him now...so anywho, this is a song from my past that still makes my mom and me laugh.
Said I Loved You...But I Lied
by Michael Bolton

You are the candle, love's the flame
A fire that burns through wind and rain
Shine your light on this heart of mine
Till the end of time
You came to me like the dawn through the night
Just shinin' like the sun
Out of my dreams and into my life
You are the one, you are the one
Said I loved you but I lied
'Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
'Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you but I lied
With all my soul I've tried in vain
How can mere words my heart explain
This taste of heaven so deep so true
I've found in you
So many reasons in so many ways
My life has just begun
Need you forever, I need you to stay
You are the one, you are the one
Said I loved you but I lied
'Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
'Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you but I lied
You came to me like the dawn through the night
Just shinin' like the sun
Out of my dreams and into my life
You are the one, you are the one
Said I loved you but I lied
'Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
'Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you but I lied
Said I loved you
But this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you....But I lied

Current Location: Single

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Random

Apr. 19th, 2007

12:56 am - i tried

but i failed

Current Mood:

depressed

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

Apr. 17th, 2007

07:29 pm - Old Friends

So if it wasn't bad enough losing Rachel, the tragedy at Virginia Tech has had an impact on me. Though I do not know anyone who goes there, the entire situation is scary and extremely tragic. I have taken these events as a wake-up call. I miss some of my old friends dearly. I also realized some of these grudges I have been holding do not matter. The next step is to make contact with these people. I am not saying that we have to be best friends again, it is more that I want to clear the air and talk to them. The biggest thing I realized at Rachel's funeral was that I had lost contact with her after high school, and I felt bad that I hadn't taken time to just email her to say hi. I don't want that to happen again. A wonderful friend of mine who has also dealt with her share of grief and losing loved ones sent me a poem, and though it makes me cry, it is very comforting:
"I Am Always With You"

When I am gone, release me, let me go.
I have so many things to see and do,
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,
But be thankful we had so many good years.
I gave you my love, and you can only guess
How much you've given me in happiness.
I thank you for the love that you have shown,
But now it is time I traveled on alone.
So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must
Then let your grief be comforted by trust
That it is only for a while that we must part,
So treasure the memories within your heart.
I won't be far away for life goes on.
And if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear
All my love around you soft and clear
And then, when you come this way alone,
I'll greet you with a smile and a "Welcome Home".

Current Location: my room

Current Mood:

reflecting

Current Music: wallflowers (they always comfort me)

Apr. 15th, 2007

04:19 pm - Re-evaluate

This weekend I had to bury a classmate and friend. Rachel was one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She was beautiful on the outside and inside, and always had a smile to share. She cared about everyone, and was so kind and giving. She was the type that when you were having a bad day, she would buy you chocolates to cheer you up. Rachel was also extremely strong in her faith. We had gone to Sunday school and Curch together since we were about 5. We were also in choir together, as she was truly blessed with a beautiful voice.
She was taken from us at the young age of 21. I went to the viewing and then to the funeral and gravesite. I cried like a baby as I looked at the casket and knew it was my wonderful friend Rachel inside. I always say, "I'm only 21! I have plenty of time to do whatever I want!" This weekend made me realize perhaps we don't have as long as we once thought. Many things began to seem very petty, and I realized I do not have the time to be angry and to hold any grudges. I have been doing a great deal of thinking (and I'm sure that there are many entries to come) Rachel was just such a great person. She was much like Jamie Sullivan in A Walk to Remember. She was kind to everyone, she had her enduring faith, and she wasn't scared of dying. This song was sung at her funeral, and it is a fabulous song...I will always think of Rachel when I hear it, and most likely cry for a while, but eventually smile as I remember her.
For Good from Wicked
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Current Location: My Room

Current Mood:

sad

Current Music: Wicked